if i could.

inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

so i've basically been rotting my life away. okay. well, been trying to study, but it's eating me alive. wheeee. it's that kinda feeling where you know you need to study, but you just can't bring yourself to study. and my FM test is on tuesday. wheeeeeeeeee. and got ballet performance on monday night. GG.

soo, anyhoo. i've forgotten what i wanted to blog about. mmpfts.

BLOOOOOOP. gross.

i felt really sad on the way home just now. just really really sad. you know the kinda of shit where you're in a damn crowded place but you just feel so alone? sad to the extreme that.... must be the mood swings.

I NEED TO STOP BEING SO CYNICAL AND PESSIMISTIC.

you know how you do things that you feel obligated to? and how it never turns out good for either party. was just thinking, how hypocritical it is for me to teach sunday school. cos honestly i don't know if i believe anymore. it's like, holding on to something that is slowly fading, and there is nothing you can do to bring it back. it's like, losing faith. and to see kids, young kids with such innocent faith keeps on bothering me. because i've lost that naive faith, the ever trusting never doubting faith. someone once told me, i like to see your faith, because it is so pure and innocent, i hope you never lose this faith. well, i guess we all grow up huh.

This doubt is screaming in my face
In this familiar place
Sheltered and concealed
And if this night won't let me rest
Don't let me second guess
What I know to be real
Put away all I know for tonight
And maybe I just might
Learn to let it go
Take my security from me
And maybe finally
I won't have to know everything

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you



the sky is falling and no one knows.