ooh

so, it's nearing 2 in the morning, and i'm still up. i was just looking at some batucada videos, which i think are absolutely awesome. i can't wait to go back for baracuda practice. i miss it a shitload. just moving with the beat makes me feel happy. haha.

anyway, what i'd really like now is to curl up with a good book, or rather, a few good books, with some hot chocolate or hot tea or some nice drink, and just spend the rest of the time reading. i swear i don't know what i'd do if i didn't have books. okay so maybe i read chick lit most of the time, but i still enjoy reading. i LOVE nicholas sparks, and i'm still waiting to get the notebook. omg, i've been looking for the book since last year! he's the first ever author to make me cry. he writes good stuff, really really.

don't know why, i felt like i just had to type that out. haha.

curling up in some nice cosy corner with a good book sounds so tempting. and so much suited for the holiday season.

a season just like christmas. with the fireplace burning, and wearing a corny christmas jumper, christmas carols playing softly in the background, snow falling outside, steaming mug of hot chocolate. oh my, i must be nuts. you can never find that in singapore.

still, i can't wait for christmas :)

oopma loompa

i read this somewhere and was laughing. HAHA.

17 signs to show you like someone.

SEVENTEEN: You look at their profile constantly.

SIXTEEN: When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago.

FIFTEEN: You read their Texts and Ims Over and over again.

FOURTEEN:You walk really slow when you're with them.

THIRTEEN: You feel shy whenever they're around.

ELEVEN: When you think about them, your heart beats faster but slower at the same time.

TEN: You smile when you hear their voice.

NINE: When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.

EIGHT: You start listening to slow songs while thinking about them.

SEVEN: They're all you think about.

SIX: You get high just from their scent.

FIVE: You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.

FOUR: You would do anything for them, just to see them.

THREE: While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.

TWO: You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number twelve was missing

ONE: You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.

omg, i thought that was kinda cute and funny. haha. okay.

during english just now, we touched on the topic of singlish versus standard english.

it's inevitable that we all use singlish, no? it's just how much and how often we use it. i think those people who can switch between english and standard english are really good. not to say i support singlish, but everyone goes on about how it's our culture and stuff like that.

personally, i don't believe that singlish makes up who we are as singaporeans, because after all, our first language is english. not singlish. but then again, paradox. i'm too lazy to continue.

ha, laziness.

SO MANY IT ASSIGNMENTS. stupid thing. and it's all weird luh. booooooo. i don't really see why we have to take this. the kids aren't gonna touch the computers yet! omg. grrr. SO MANY ASSIGNMENTS! so little time.

FRENCH TEST NEXT WEEK. DEATH. OMG OMG.

ho hum

attachment this morning.

seeing the kids makes me feel so nice and warm and fuzzy inside :)

so, today was a little different. joseba(?) and faith didn't come. it was a totally different feel. heh. interesting to see the different sides of the children. nanako left for good today. hopefully akira gets on well with the other kids.

had to observe the kids today. hard time catching up with them. shio kept purposely falling down in front of me, and couldn't record properly. but it's okay. they're cute little things :)

had a different experience with ron today. it was just very different. he's a touch person and smell person. i got a shock when he put his nose to my arm and inhaled. then he used his fingers and touched my face and stuff. new experience for me. but the more new things i learn.

it's really, hmm, don't know how to explain. touching? no. inspiring? no. omg, can't find the right words at all. bad bad. i so badly want to put it down in words, but i just can't find the right words to express how i feel.

this is terrible. my english has gone down the drain :(

went back to crescent just now. i miss that place so much. flood of memories. haha. i went back with zakkiyya. it was kinda weird, cos safarina and hani were there, and i'm not exactly close to them. but anyway, saw ms ho. AWESOME :) miss talking to her so so so much. mr poon wasn't there :( but he promised coffee! :)

oh my shit, so many things i want to write out, but sigh.

when you love someone, it's a choice.

right choice?

left.

:)

tania came over on sunday. MINI PJ PARTY! hahaha. it was quite funny. she kept on saying that we looked like harry potters. haha. tsk. it was a good sleepover. we talked and talked and talked and talked. slept way late. made me think about a whole lot of things. so many issues we have on our hands.

did a bit of my assignment yesterday! er well. sorta. haha. i don't even know how to do it luh. just typed and typed. and i'm not even done. must print out some more. and guess what! MY HOME COMPUTER DIED. stupid.

anyway, monday was fun :) just :)

i haven't even started on my IT assignment yet. death. i don't even know how to do it luh. stupid thing. grrrrrr. and i miss baracuda. boo. shake until my arms fall off. and hit till i go deaf. woohoo.


i wish things were different, and the circumstances entirely different. maybe then, i wouldn't feel so guilty or confused. it sucks. i think i might be regretting it. why can't life be so much more simpler. hmm.

tired

i had a weird dream just now. and i'm really afraid it'll come true. that would hurt like hell, and i'd rather just die. and i'd never want their paths to cross, EVER. i might have woken up crying. goodness.

was tired today. don't know why. only 2 hours of ballet yesterday. helped mommy in the morning, and accompanied her for the rest of the day till about 5 plus. came home and napped till 8. went to eat dinner at haato. not a good one. i'm hungry now. damn. tried to get the job at the beer place. failed.

i want to get a job, and earn me some money. awesome.

my memory's failing me. even more awesome.

so much assignments and projects coming up. i haven't started on any. BEST.

STAB.

sometimes, too much of one thing can make you sick of it. it takes out the meaning behind it. it leaves it as an ordinary thing. it's special no more. which is sad, really. sooner or later, you no longer anticipate it, nor think about it. it's as if it becomes a habit. and when it doesn't come, you are somehow disappointed. not because you truly feel disappointed, but because it's become a habit to feel disappointed. when it does come, you may think: again? this is not needed. which makes it all the more sad. cos it would mean nothing to you anymore. it's just another daily routine of life. not to say routine isn't good. but you get what i mean.

oh, the horror.

sigh

SORRY JANEY AND SHA! made you wait so long in the humid humid weather with nothing to do, and end up not going with you two. SOOOORRRRYYYY! :(

anyway, had 4 hours to stone and rot today. awesome. IT make up lesson was okay, the other class was awfully noisy though. nehmind. english test was er, okay? don't feel much about it. just like that. aiyee.

today was a bad bad bad ballet day. i had to skip the earlier class. made me feel like shit. it's as if not getting my weekly dose of 4 hours of ballet would totally throw me off balance. went for the later class, and wth, i didn't dance properly. so disappointed with myself. not dancing at all next friday, gonna watch mildred perform. damn. when i come back, i'll be soooo unfit. shit. just one week and everything goes down the drain. and not going for the earlier class meant that i was less flexible, and thus unable to do certain things. brought down my mood even more. STAB.

and just now, mommy left my lappy in her car. AND SHE LENT THE BLOODY CAR TO LOUIS. LEND HIM FOR WHAT I ALSO DON'T KNOW. just cos he finished his exam? SO WHAT, YOUR SON AH? lend the car to him. MAYBE PEOPLE'S LAPTOP INSIDE! i was so angry and irritated. and i was feeling good being angry and irritated, but my mommy called louis and got back my laptop. thanks, it was really nice of her. BUT I WAS IN SUCH A MOOD TO BE ANGRY. now i can't vent it out, and the feeling's even worse. doens't help that ballet was bad today :(

anyway, just know was on the way home in daddy's car. just happened to glance at the side mirrors. and for a moment, i couldn't recognise who that was. does that mean i've changed? changed to the extent of not recognising who i am? tania doesn't think so. but that day, when i called her, she said i sounded weird, as in change of frequency.

that's my biggest fear, that we're not on the same frequency anymore. because she's the closest friend i have, and to lose that would be total death. i miss her loads. jc and poly's really different.

yes, people change. but i don't want to change so much until i can't even recognise myself. that would be the saddest thing ever. and i'm afraid of change. a lot of people are, who can blame them? it's a pretty hard thing to go through. and even harder when you don't have anyone to go through it with you.

maybe i think too much? don't know. who ever knows.

ahhhhhh, i feel like pigging out now. not good, not good.

the chalet's right bang smack in the middle of baracuda camp. DAMN DAMN DAMN. adrienne's coming back. shit luh. nevermind, shall spend the first 4 days with her. if i can even get some of her time.

GOOD NIGHT PEOPLE.

boo

hello people of the world.

haven't been feeling all that great recently. but i'm fine now. i guess. awesome.

i'm tired. haha. baracuda ended kinda late yesterday. IT WAS DAMN SCARY. cos shawn said that they were going to cut people. and they were already splitting us up. and i was so damn anxious and nervous, i needed to pee after that. hahahah. they put us in pairs, and was like, the seniors will escort you out and tell you if you're in and out. bring your bags too. it was truly nerve wrecking. and it's damn sad about dominic luh. we were all starting to get close. the message he sent to joanne after that was the worst. made us feel so sad:( i hope we still remain friends man. sigh.

awesome, okay. watching american idol now. kinda late i know. hahahah. whatever luh.

okay, i totally forgot what i wanted to blog about, smartass aren't i.

anyway, after school, stayed and went to meet wei quan and kellyn. i miss the pj days man. we had good good laughs. haha.

met larris after that. watched some bands play. er. HAHAHAHAHAAHHA. sorry, just had to do that. no offense meant, but yeah. hahahahaha. oops.

okay, do e-learning.

.

i'm so tired.

and i'm kinda confused?

why?

maybe i shouldn't have.

maybe it's the wrong choice.

then i'd just be the bitch.

awesome.

why not.

just so tired, and frustrated, and annoyed. and so many things to do, so little time.

i just want to go to sleep, and not wake up forever.

that would be, nice.

:)

YAY! I'M MEETING TANIA AND JO TOMORROW. like finally. my beloved dtc. haha. i can't wait. woohoo!

so, went to school this morning at 10 to do our project. everyone else was there at 9 i think. only our group came so late. hahaha. i think the child development assignment is really confusing. we don't exactly know how to do it. julian said, now's the time to make as many mistakes as possible and learn from them. haha. awesome.

damn, i want my letter from sijing from sue wei. shit luh. rawr. i want the leetttteerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

anyway. just had ballet. it was great. my toes and legs are dying, but i feel absolutely great. i guess it's true, after ms mccully's class, your mind is more alert. you really have to use your brains man. and omg, the class for us grade 8s was so difficult. and poor liang hui. she's so stressed and stuff. i'll be praying for you :)

i'm too tired to type out a nice decent long post. we'll save it for another day, shall we. when i'm in a more serious mood. ooh la la.

haha. awesome.

oh shit, meeting in church at 930 tomorrow. i don't wanna go. i don't even think i'm still fit to be a sunday school teacher. help me please, someone?

yay

met julian, janey and sha to finish our child development thingie this morning. i must say, we are pretty productive? i think? haha. we finished it pretty fast. but then again, there wasn't much to do. JULIAN GOH! YOU BETTER REMEMBER TO BRING IT OKAY! if not i whack you. haha. talked a bit after that. i hope janey doesn't have weird scary dreams anymore! heh.

AND! i saw betsy and calvin's guitar, timothy i think, today. THEY'RE SO PRETTTTYYYYY. OMG! my guitar sucks luh. stupid thing. anyway, not like i can play well either. so nevermind. haha. but betsy's really really pretty. omg. haha.

found out today that winnie lau's lesson isn't all that bad. she's not too bad. i think she's okay now, not saying i like her. but yeah. i still think cyt is boo. she's unreasonable. anyway, don't want to talk about her. winnie lau's lesson made me think about some stuff today. it was a pretty good lesson.

OBSERVE.
DECIDE.
TAKE ACTION.
REFLECT.

argh, lazy to blog. and besides. i've lost my train of thought. i wonder how long this will last. heh.

mm

so, i saw siti and bernice at kap. makes me think back to my crescent days. i miss everyone. well, not everyone. just my closer friends. which i must say, aren't a lot.

adrienne, siew ling and sue wei left. they were the few of my closest. sad to say, i'm not even talking to adrienne anymore. that's what pains me the most. i don't even know how long i can keep in contact with sue wei.

i would think i'm bad at keeping friends. i only talk to tania regularly now. sucks doesn't it. yen fang doesn't reply me, and doesn't pick up my calls. great. sijing and i are just, like that. don't even mention the softballers. it's as if we've all disappeared into our own little world, our own dreamland, forgetting that one or the other exists. sad isn't it.

the good old days of softball. the fun and laughter, the tough trainings and shit and pressures. all the different changes. we went through that four years of our lives together. pretty long time. to think that now we don't really talk, at all. being in softball alllowed many lessons for me. i learnt so much about people, friendships, about the game(duh) and about life in general at times. it was good fun, honestly. but i don't dare say that we can be there for each other like last time. it's really sad. i was always the one to say "keep in touch", "don't you dare forget me" and all that shit. but somehow along the way, i seem to have forgotten my words. i've lost track of what my priorities are, and i've lost pretty good friendships. hurts.

and my classmates? sigh. it was fun. tania and i were probably the loudest, craziest, stupidest, most hyperactive ones. but that doesn't last does it. tania and i have now become cynical shits. we no longer laugh as much. we seem to whine and complain and put down things, and somehow can never manage to look on the bright side. i used to be able to do that. i guess i've forgotten. but then again, i don't show people this side. show it to them, for what?

not forgetting my Fry house comm. i miss them like mad. they were the best ever. they were my best support. especially trying to bring up the house from last to first. i had the best team, in my opinion. of course, there were the times i got really mad at them, and had to scold them. but hey, isn't that part and parcel of it? we had so much fun together. the frantic moments, the celebratory times, the crazy unforgettable memories. it was the most stressful time of my 4 years in crescent, but they were my best. no one ever said being a captain was easy. yes, you may get the glory and all that pride. but you have to work for it, and work your ass off. tiring, but worth it. i can't wait to see them this june! provided our schedules don't clash. i should message them now, to book them all. heh. i really can't wait to see them. we have so much to catch up on.

oh my, i sound oh so serious. i think people who don't know me well would be shocked at this. haha.

i remember the first lesson of winnie lau's class for principles and practices of classroom management. we were playing this name game thing. pick an adjective that starts with the same letter as your name. eg. witty winnie. it was interesting to see what people could come up with. especially since there are so many names in our class that start with j. haha. anyway, so much for being bubbly bernette.

oh look! alliteration. right.

attachment

soooo. attachment on tuesday again. it was great. i love the kids. i was feeling really really really sleepy. but then i never ever fell asleep cos looking at the kids just makes me smile. and never stop smiling until i leave the centre. haha. found out so much more about the kids yesterday. so many things to take note of, so many things to observe. i'm afraid of observing the wrong thing and not being able to do well. i'm afraid of not knowing how to handle the kids. i've seen my inadequacies. makes you feel kinda like shit. but then when you look at the children, and they don't realise it, and they still come to you with so much love and affection, it equals out all the negative thoughts. children are the sweetest things on earth. and by children, for me, i mean 0-6 years old. haha.

i mean, yes, they do have their negative moments. when they cry and throw earthquake tantrums, it can get on your nerves. but then, the innocence and naivety that they possess, which makes them such angels softens your heart. and you can't help but dote on them and want to give them the best.

faith tried to sit on my lap yesterday. it obviously shouldn't happen in a centre cos then you show favouritism. but you know, it felt good knowing that she likes me and trusts me enough to want to sit on my lap. had to tell her nicely that she can't sit on my lap though :( and i saw her character, and how she's like. i wouldn't call her a bully, just that she's very strong-headed and likes to be in control. she wasn't a good girl yesterday, as what li lao shi said, and wasn't allowed to be the leader. then she got all sulky and stuff like that. there's a whole lot of difference. it's really amazing to see such a quick change. but even more amazing to see that after awhile, she forgets all about it. that's the beauty of a young kid's mind. they don't hold grudges.

now, why can't we be like that?

maybe life would have been simpler.

then again, maybe not.

cool

great. new blog. new space to write. new people reading. maybe it's good, maybe it's bad. we'll just have to see.

i'm thirsty.