void

it's as if everything doesn't matter anymore. i don't know. this is kinda bad. all of it. i wonder if i regret it. private things stay private, public affairs blown out of proportion. leave me be. over protectiveness? i know, my fault.

i feel distant, emotionless, exhausted, disconnected, lost, basically so many other things that cannot be described. and i'm wondering if it is all my fault. if it is, i'm sorry, to all of you. i'm pretty much guessing it is my fault. it's pretty much why things have ended up this way i guess.

and if you wanna tell me something, just say it straight to my face. a fight might break out, but after that i'll think through everything calmly. just at least let me know the truth. the truth hurts, but so? i need to learn. i really need to. it's time to change, bernette.

i feel like the worst person ever.

i'd very much like to disappear from the world now. please and thank you.