creative arts

during creative arts lesson that day, we were made to do this music thingie, and walk across the room according to the beat and all. it was then that it hit me, how much i missed having him around. he would have loved doing that and i can imagine the kind of things he would come up with. it's different. it made me feel nostalgic and extremely sad. i wanted to cry. i honestly did. it was a horrible feeling. doesn't help too that things are the way they are. i wonder how he's doing. i hope everything's going fine. i just want to sit with him and pour out everything, like a change of scenery or whatever shit you call it.

my mom always said, this is your choice, prove to me and to other people that you can. i guess it really is my choice. my choice on how much i've pretty much screwed everything up. i want everything to go back to normal. i want things to go back to before. i want my old life back. i want so many things that i can never have again. blame me for not treasuring them properly at that time.

what if i didn't make the right choice? what if i've screwed everything up so bad nothing can ever be done to repair it. the guilt is terrible.

everything's so different now. i've changed? not sure if it's for the better or for worse. why do i have this nagging feeling that it's the second one? it probably is. i'm sorry. especially you guys. for disappointing you, for making you feel that it's awkward now, for not listening to you. i'm sorry, i really am.

tugging at my heartstrings.

it's time to buck up, and do extremely well for this sem. time to spend more time with my family. time to put a stop to things. time to just be me again. time to focus on everyone else but me.
it just goes to show what a true bitch i am.
please, please, please, take me away now.