fight fight fight fight

i can't seem to motivate myself to go for ballet.

and right now, i can't seem to motivate myself to switch on my brain to prepare for tuesday. i need to prepare many many things. and i'm scared, but somehow calm. which is scary, cos i don't wanna freak at the very last minute and screw everything up :(

i feel like i now like to keep things to myself. not a very good thing huh.

i'm anticipating the end of attachment, though i know i'm going to miss my kids so very much. they're the ones that make it so enjoyable. it's like waking up in a bad mood, and dragging myself to the centre, to be greeted by the innocent smiling faces, so willing to accept me for who i am and so willing to invite me into their lives for that few hours. then i remember why i'm in this line. it's for the children, nothing else but the children.

i don't even care about the money anymore. it's not the money. i really don't care. it's about seeing how happy the children are to play with new activities, to find out more about you, to want toplay with you and hug you and talk to you. it's looking at them sleep that makes my heart fill up and overflow with.. love? passion? call it what you like. i don't even know.

just about another half a year till i graduate, with a diploma in early childhood education. i really don't know what i want to do now. i was so set on speech therapy. but now i'm not so sure. everything's so uncertain. i can't bear it.

let me treasure the next 2 weeks with all my heart. let me keep the patience i have, and let me love the children even more.